I’m not sure where this blog is going to lead me, but I was just laying with my 15-month old daughter, and had an idea about writing a blog about homeschooling under depression. Then, I said to myself, “Get up, Lailah”. So here it is! Self-motivation is so amazing.
So, I’ve been experiencing depression for about 4 years now. It comes, and goes. Sometimes I have great days, sometimes I have okay days, and sometimes I just have sad moments. Maybe this is every mom? I don’t know.
It has nothing to do with homeschooling my beautiful children, but it does have an effect on it at times. Think about it: If I’m not motivated, how can I motivate the kids? I have to tell myself this over, and over. If I’m feeling like I’m having a “down” moment, breaks are necessary. We may even take a day off.
The feeling of depression derived from personal occurrences, and in addition, to be honest, I really believe being a stay at home mom has some involvement as well. Don’t misinterpret my statement. I love being with my children, and being a full a part of their lives. However, I also like being with me as well. . .alone! I don’t feel guilty discussing this either.
I made the initial decision to leave behind the work life outside of the home in 2015. I was so relieved to not have to deal with my co-workers at the time. We just didn’t mesh. To make a long story short, I was racially profiled in an incident that made the rest of my experience there utterly uncomfortable to say the least! Plus, I really was missing my kids so much, I would cry on my lunch break. I would also be so tired after work, but homeschooling was my afternoon priority.
I was so excited about the freedom that came after coming home to be a SAHM. Flash forward 2 years, and I’m feeling like I’ve lost myself. My time is dedicated to my children 24/7 non-stop. I’m not complaining! I’m just being honest! I recently thought I was having a heart attack, and went to the ER. After completing a stress test, and talking to a health counselor about all of things going on in my life, she said, “You’re just stressed out”. She suggested I get a handle on it as quick as possible. I’ll never forget what she asked me, “Do you want be that woman that can park, and walk? Or do you want to be that woman that needs someone to push them around?”
I know for a fact that “me” time is so important as a SAHM, and I’ve become very open to joining one of my friend’s Whats App for social outings. It helped a lot! It still does. . . . . I’m also planning on doing religious studies in the fall, and joining group exercise classes as well. Lately, I’ve been working out at home. Also. . . I’m now feeling as though I’d like to return to work…outside of the home. Nothing strenuous! Of course it would be in education, and part time. I have interest that I can earn money from easily from home. . .but surely you can understand where I’m going with that. Right?
So in addition to deciding that “me” time is important, so is having extra cash for extra nice things!!!!
Just because you became a mother doesn’t mean MOM JEANS are obligatory! So to speak.
How am I connecting this with homeschooling? Well, I’m hoping that focusing more on my well being, and not feeling guilty for putting myself first, will ignite a more enthusiastically engaging homeschool experience for the loves of my life.
You know the whole saying, “How can you take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself?”
My goal is to do just that.
This is to be continued. Updates on this discussion will be posted!
Are you homeschooling? Are you or have you experienced what I’ve experienced? How are you/did you handle it?